Songbird Read online

  Staring back at me was Forest’s naked picture from my hotel room in Miami. I thought people were over that by now. I wanted to make a joke about him not only being big, but satisfying too. But I didn’t think that would be smart, that was how things went viral on YouTube.

  Instead, I laughed. “Do you make a habit out of showing your guests naked pictures of men?”

  “You and I both know this isn’t any random man. This is your current squeeze, is it not?”

  “Forest and I have been together for almost three months now,” I replied steadily and happily. He was not going to ruffle my feathers, I was not going to let him. “Ninety-nine percent of the time, he’s fully clothed.”

  “And the other one percent?” He raised his eyebrows, I think he was going for flirty but it only came across as creepy. Very creepy, he was old enough to be my father.

  “Everyone’s got to shower now and then, you wouldn’t do that fully dressed.”

  We stared at each other, long enough for him to realize I wasn’t going to take the bait and engage in a conversation about Forest. If he wanted to save the interview, he seriously needed to move on.

  He flicked at his tablet and another photo came up. He showed me that one too. It was me, eating pie. “And what about your binge eating? What would you like to say to all your young fans about your relapse?”

  I laughed at that too. How anyone could come to that conclusion purely because I was eating a slice of lemon meringue pie was beyond my comprehension. “When I see that photo, it just reminds me how much I like pie. If I had relapsed, there is no way I would have allowed that photo to be taken. Nor would I deny it.”

  I paused, waiting for that to sink in before I continued. It was time I gave sweaty Pete Barker an education. “An eating disorder is nothing to be ashamed of. I have not tried to hide my condition from my fans. Instead, I hope by being honest about it, I can help other girls out there that might be going through the same thing. Showing a photograph of me enjoying a treat is nothing to be embarrassed about. When I think of how far I have come since getting help with my disease, I am actually really proud of my progress.”

  I smiled innocently, like I hadn’t just politely told him to go jump off a bridge. Pete was momentarily dumbstruck, he stared at me with wide eyes. Hopefully he was using the time to reconsider his habit of harassing young women with serious medical histories. Or scolding himself for not doing his research first.

  “Well, uh,” he mumbled. “That’s all well and good, but what would you say to all the parents of your young fans? Their daughters idolize you and you let them down.”

  “Nobody is perfect, Pete, and I certainly never claimed to be. Like anyone, I’ve made mistakes and I succumbed to the disease. I wouldn’t want anyone to go through that. However, I believe what I can do now is to show my fans how to be strong. I want to empower all young people to take control of their own bodies and be well. My message to them is to stay strong, ask for help when you need it, and know you can get through anything. That is a message I want them all to hear.”

  “So many young girls have body issues, aren’t you giving them carte blanche to develop an eating disorder?” He asked, like a dog with a bone. I think we were speaking different languages because there was only so many ways I could answer the same damn question.

  I took a deep breath so I could keep my voice steady. “Anyone who knows anything about eating disorders knows that it’s rarely about the food and dieting. If you are truly concerned about helping young girls, I can direct you to some wonderful resources that can help educate you.”

  He waved me away like I said something trivial. “That’s not necessary. How can you sit there and-”

  I knew it was rude to interrupt but I was beyond caring, he clearly didn’t. “I think it is necessary. Eating disorders, whether it’s bulimia or anorexia, are serious issues that are treated like a girl’s dirty little secret. It’s about time these diseases are brought to the forefront so girls can understand the disorders and those around them can identify the symptoms before it’s too late.”

  “So you’re saying if someone recognized your symptoms you wouldn’t have had your breakdown and hospital stay?” He raised both eyebrows, giving him a look of surprise and more than a touch of arrogance. Hitting him on camera would not be a good thing, right?

  I shook my head as I took a moment to calm down. Glancing at Demi, she had that panicked look on her face, the one where she was terrified about what I was about to say. She probably had good reason.

  “The funny thing is, Pete, people are really good at hiding their symptoms. I know for myself, I would do anything to make sure people didn’t know I was ill. That is why education is so vitally important. Girls shouldn’t be made to feel bad about their disorder, they should be empowered to ask for help.”

  I finished with a wide, polite smile. As it turned out, Demi had nothing to worry about. Pete, on the other hand, seemed to have lost control of his interview.

  He leaned back, breathing through his nose and making it whistle. “I think that’s all we have time for. Thank you for the interview, Miss Wilcox.”

  I shook his sweaty hand before getting up. Demi was quick to thank everyone as we left. She waited until we were in the lifts before she spoke. “I’m sorry, they didn’t tell me they were going to be covering those topics. You saw the list of questions, he barely asked any of them.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” I assured her. “I feel kind of good about it. Do you think I said the right things? I mean, they felt right but I wasn’t sure if my words were coming out right.”

  “You were great, trust me. You came across as a survivor, not someone who was trying to hide anything. Well done, Brier. You would never have been able to do that not so long ago.” She gave me an awkward, sideways hug with one arm. “You’ve come a long way, you should be proud of that. I know I am.”

  The edges of my mouth crooked up into a smile. Perhaps I was doing better than I thought I was. Maybe taking it day by day wasn’t such horrible advice as I had initially thought.

  Or I could just have been having a good day. There was no need to get carried away. The moment I started to rejoice in my recovery, it was the moment it would sneak up on me and take me down again.

  Demi left me at the hotel for a rare night off. Considering we were in New Orleans, I had no intention of staying in for the evening. Especially when one of my dearest friends was holding a party in the French Quarter.

  I collected Forest from the room he was sharing with Ace and we grabbed a cab across town. We had weaved our way from Florida through Georgia, Tennessee, and Mississippi and now it was time to party in Louisiana. It had been over two weeks since I’d had a night off, tonight was well deserved.

  The summer air was warm and humid in the old town. New Orleans was one of my favorite places in the world to be. I loved the history, the people, and even the weather. Give me hot and sticky over cold and damp any day.

  Hayley Scott, the girl who came runner up in the competition that I won, had a successful singing career of her own. Coming second hadn’t slowed her down any, my record company gave her a deal the day after the final of Singing Idol. We had been riding the rollercoaster of the industry together ever since. Even though we didn’t see each other very often due to our schedules, we still caught up as much as possible.

  “B!” She greeted me as we stepped into the old house-come-restaurant. Everything was wrought iron filigree work and old wood. It was like stepping back in time.

  “Hayles!” I matched her enthusiasm as she took me in an all consuming hug. “Happy birthday!”

  “Thanks,” she smiled, letting me go. Her eyes wandered to Forest, standing quietly by my side. “Who’s the hunk of spunk?”

  “This is Forest, my boyfriend. Forest, this is Hayley Scott, one of my best friends in the world.”

  “Hey,” he said casually with a nod of his head. It was the greeting he gave people to make them think he was ultra coo
l. I could see the adorable teddy bear underneath, others took a while longer to see it.

  Hayley turned her attention back to me. “I hope you don’t hate me, but Oscar is here too. I didn’t even know he was going to be in town but he showed up and I couldn’t very well turn him away.”

  I knew things were going too well for me that day. I plastered on a smile. “Don’t worry about it. It’s a big place, I’m sure I won’t even see him.”

  “That’s the spirit. Now, go get some food and drinkies, and enjoy yourself! I’ll catch up with you later, we obviously have a lot to talk about.” She looked Forest up and down pointedly. I couldn’t tell if she approved or not, I guessed I would find out. “It’s time to party. Woo!” She squealed before moving on to greet her next guests.

  I grabbed Forest and headed for the food. New Orleans never disappointed in the food department, even to my picky palette. Tonight was no different. Laid out on the table was everything from catfish to salad to some kind of meat thing that I didn’t even want to pretend I knew what it was. I skipped over that dish and put a mixture of everything else on my plate.

  Forest followed behind as we found a spare table and sat. The music was already pumping in the next room with a live band. Hayley had gone all out to celebrate turning twenty-five. I couldn’t wait to get to the dancing.

  “Hayley said you’d be here.” I recognized the male voice immediately, my body reacting instinctively with wanting to run away from it. That was something I didn’t do quickly enough the first time.

  My eyes travelled from the leather pants clad legs to the grey t-shirt, to the smiling face of Oscar Beaumont – aka the biggest loser I had ever dated. And, after Braydon, that was saying something.

  The reason for lusting after him had long been forgotten. Everything had vanished the night he drank too much and decided to take his frustrations out on me. It took three stitches to my temple and a hushed up visit to the hospital to finally see what the real Oscar Beaumont was truly like. Now, I felt sorry for all the teenagers chasing after him, his smooth voice only sung love songs for so long.

  “Go away, Oscar,” I said, refusing to look away. I wanted my message to get across loud and clear and sometimes Oscar didn’t pay that much attention. He normally heard only what he wanted to hear and saw what he wanted to see. I couldn’t believe I used to hang off his every word.

  “That’s no way to greet your lost long lover,” he continued relentlessly. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to need three stitches to the temple. “Who’s your friend?”

  “Forest, Oscar. Oscar, Forest.”

  “Sucky name. What brings you two to Nola?”

  “I’m here on tour,” I replied through gritted teeth. “Now go away, you’re putting me off my dinner.”

  Oscar laughed and I felt Forest put a gentle hand on my thigh under the table. “I didn’t think you ate anymore, isn’t that why you went into rehab? Or was that for another addiction?” He sniffed, emphasizing the movement so it was clear he was talking about drugs. “If I’d have known how much more interesting you were going to get, I would have stuck around longer.”

  Forest stood. Perhaps I should have had my hand on his thigh to keep him from doing something stupid. “Walk away, dude, walk away.”

  Forest was eye to eye with Oscar, barely an inch of height difference between them. I briefly wondered who would win in a fight. Forest was strong and smart, but Oscar would play dirty. He was a biter in the bedroom and probably one in a fight too. Hopefully I wouldn’t have to find out.

  “Is this your sober companion?” Oscar asked me, completely ignoring Forest. “Because I can tell you now, he’d be easier to handle smashed. Can I get you a vodka?”

  “Just go away, Oscar,” I moaned. “Seriously, I’m sure there are hundreds of people here you can annoy. You never know, one of them might be dumb enough to throw themselves at you and you’ll get lucky.”

  He pursed his mouth, licking his bottom lip with his tongue. God, I used to find that irresistible once. Once, a very long time ago. Not anymore, now it looked creepy and reminded me of how much I was over him.

  “Come to think of it, you are a bit of a waste of time. See you around, Brierly,” Oscar shot my way before sauntering off into the crowd. I wished the public knew what he was really like. He might make nice music but that was nothing compared to the careless idiot he was. I wished more people could see through his act.

  I tugged on Forest’s arm until he resumed his seat. I pushed my food around my plate, suddenly not really hungry. I had seriously made some bad choices in the guys I dated. Yet every time I thought I was madly in love with them.

  What was to say I wasn’t doing the same thing with Forest? My mind said he was different, but didn’t I think that about every other guy too? He could be just as bad as them and I was wearing my loser-blinkers again.

  “Don’t let him ruin your night.” Forest’s soothing voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked him in the eyes, trying to see the real him, to break through the smooth exterior. All I could see was the Forest I knew and loved. I was either onto a good thing, or delusional. Funny how that was such a thin line.

  “Oscar’s an idiot, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction,” I seethed.

  “Ex, I take it?” I nodded. “I should thank him.”

  “What? Why?”

  “He makes me look good.” Forest grinned and my stomach did back flips at the way his eyes sparkled in the dim candlelight. I hoped he wasn’t like all the others, God I hoped not.

  I playfully punched him on the arm. “Don’t get too cocky, he makes a cockroach look good. I still expect to dance all night and then be treated like a princess when we get back to the hotel. Understand?”

  He nodded and grabbed my hand in his, bringing it to his lips to kiss my knuckles in turn. “I promise to show you a good time no matter where we are.”

  I gently took my hand back because he was making me want to drag him to a closet and have my way with him. Falling out of a cupboard with bedraggled hair and crumpled clothing was not how I wanted to be remembered tomorrow. I tried eating, my appetite restored.

  We finished our meal and headed for the adjoining room. It was darker, only a few old fashioned chandeliers lighting the way. The live band rocked out at the end, filling the room with heart stopping beats.

  I took Forest’s hand and dragged him into the middle of it all. I spun around, there was barely room to leave a breath of space between us. Which is exactly how I liked it.

  We danced, matching the beat one for one. Our bodies couldn’t help but grind against each other – along with about a dozen people surrounding us. Some women seemed to enjoy Forest’s proximity a little more than they should have. I moved even closer to him, making sure it was clear he was all mine. Just like in the gas station a few weeks earlier, Forest was a damn woman magnet.

  He put his arm around my waist, letting his hand fall to the small of my back. It was only a little touch, a tiny connection, but it sent out tingles in all different directions. He held me there and I hoped he would never take his hand away again.

  The heat of the New Orleans night, combined with the crowded dance floor, started weighing on me after a while. We were both sweaty with the effort and the heavy air was making it difficult to breathe. I needed some fresh oxygen. And I needed to pee.

  “I’m going to the bathroom,” I yelled over the music, even though I had leant in close to Forest’s ear. He nodded and I left him moving about by himself, hoping the girls around him wouldn’t take advantage in my absence.

  The bathroom of the old restaurant was equally as regal and dripping with old world charm as the rest of the place. Dark wood walls lined the powder room that lead into the stalls. By the time I washed my hands, I was already feeling more human again.

  “Oh my God, Brierly!” The female voice belonging to my friend Tamara shrieked from behind. I laughed at her animated face in the mirror before spinning around to give her a hug.

&
nbsp; “Hayley didn’t tell me you were here,” I replied. She looked me up and down, her curly blonde hair bouncing as she moved. Her face was caked in thick makeup, her eyelashes an unnatural shade of green. That was Tamara for you, she never did things by half.

  “I saw you on the dance floor earlier but I didn’t want to interrupt. You looked like you had some serious flirting going on. Who’s the guy? Spill.” She placed her hands on her hips, indicating she wouldn’t be moving without an answer first.

  “His name is Forest and I wasn’t flirting.”

  She rolled her perfectly styled eyes. “You were practically holding him hostage. Not that he minded, I’m sure. Did you decide to hook up with him tonight or is he a more permanent fixture?”

  “He’s on tour with me,” I replied, hoping she would let it drop there. My friends were all wonderful in their own right, but there was nothing they liked better than judging everyone. Considering I was probably the biggest basket case amongst them, they especially liked doing it to me.

  “On your tour?” Tamara continued, unfortunately. “What is he, your support act or something?”

  I almost lied just so I didn’t have to say the words out loud, I knew exactly what she would say. “He’s in my band.”

  “Tell me he doesn’t play the guitar, Brierly.” I wasn’t going to confirm it, I refused to. Which meant my silence spoke for me. “Brierly! Didn’t you learn anything from last time? Bad boy musicians are your poison. You can’t go anywhere near them or they will kill you.”

  “He’s different,” I insisted. “He’s nice and actually cares about me. He’s good for me, Tam. I’ve learnt my lesson, trust me.”

  One of the stalls flushed and Sierra went to the basin. She was another one of my friends from L.A. and no doubt heard every word we said. Great, now it was going to be two against one.

  “Hey, Sierra, I didn’t know you were here.” My smile felt fake, I’m sure it looked that way too.

  “I wasn’t hiding or anything,” she answered. “So the rumors are true and you’re sleeping with your guitarist. Again. Sounds like this time last year.”