Love Songs (Secret Songbook #1) Read online

  “Do you want anything for it? Some ice or something?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “I’ll get you some ice.” Without waiting for any more protests, Georgie left. Kaley waited patiently for her to return, knowing there was nothing she could say to sway her.

  She was only getting the ice out of guilt for not picking her up from school. She let her go through the motions, it would get her out of there faster.

  “Here you go.” Georgie returned with an ice pack and gently laid it on her leg.

  “Thanks.” Kaley wouldn’t admit it, but it did feel good on her burning leg. Come to think of it, Miss Adele had told her to ice it. She should have thought of it herself when she got home. If only she wasn’t consumed by Eli and that damn song.

  “I’m going to start dinner, call me if you want anything.”

  Kaley closed the door again, making sure she couldn’t be overheard. She started the song from the top and went again. The next lines were on the tip of her tongue, but she just couldn’t quite spit them out.

  The music was coming with no problems, she had the melody down in her songbook. But the lyrics were causing trouble, she needed to find the right words to describe how she was feeling. At the moment it was frustration, but that wasn’t how she felt about Eli. She felt much better things about him.

  This magic we have, this thing that we share,

  It’s unique to us, but only if we dare.

  A noise distracted her, an insistent tapping sound. She looked at the window, recognizing the pattern. Her next door neighbor was throwing small pebbles at her window, trying to get her attention. She stood and opened the pane.

  “Hi, Harvey.”

  “I heard you got hurt today, are you alright?”

  “Yeah, just a bruise. Miss Adele said I’ll live.”

  “Great.”

  Kaley smiled, feeling awkward standing in the window. Her bedroom faced the bedroom of Harvey Walker, it had done for eight years – ever since she had moved in.

  He was sixteen years old too, they went to the same school and had most of their classes together. They had been walking to and from school together for as long as she could remember.

  He had blonde hair that was always in need of a cut and he had grown taller than anyone expected – he stood a good foot taller than her now.

  If he took more care in his appearance, he would most likely be described as good looking. But Kaley never really noticed, she could never look at him that way, he was like a brother. Harvey was probably the only person who knew her almost as well as Harper.

  She watched as Harvey tried to find something else to say, he always got a cute little look on his face when he was thinking. It was a cross between confusion and concentration. She broke the silence herself, trying not to giggle at his expression.

  “Did I miss anything good on the walk home?”

  “Just the usual – dogs barking, cars trying to run me over, and Mr. Mirren telling me I was lucky to have such a short walk.” He shrugged. “It wasn’t as fun without you. I’m glad you’re okay.”

  “I might not be able to walk for the next few days. I think Mother Barbie might feel a bit bad and drive me. Do you want a lift?”

  “I’ll be right to walk, but thanks anyway.” Harvey’s mother could be heard through his door, yelling something indeterminable and distracting him for a moment. “I better go. I’m glad you’re better. If you need anything, you know where I am. Have a good night.”

  “Thanks, you too.”

  Kaley closed her window and watched as Harvey disappeared into his house. He was sweet, the mutual comfort they had with each other was beyond comparison to anyone else in her life.

  Harper liked him too which was an extra bonus – she never really liked people. They had known each other for so long there wasn’t much the three of them didn’t know about each other.

  Harvey didn’t know it, but he was the subject of many songs Kaley had written. They were always about his friendship and how glad she was to know him. Those songs were usually written quickly, hastily jotted down on any piece of paper that was at hand.

  Harper made an appearance in some of the songs too, although their friendship felt more sisterly. Perhaps one day she would sing the tunes for them, but not in any future she could foresee.

  After the interruption, Kaley decided not to pick up the guitar again. It was difficult to juggle both it and the ice pack. Instead, she turned on her laptop and sat in front of the computer. She planned on just checking Facebook and Twitter, see what was going on in everyone else’s lives that day.

  However, things didn’t exactly go to plan, her curiosity got the better of her. Although, curiosity was just a polite way to refer to her Eli obsession.

  She went to the school chat room, something she rarely did. Being invisible, nobody ever gossiped about her on the site, however they did talk about nearly everybody else. It wasn’t an official, school sanctioned site so everyone had free reign to say whatever they wanted with little to no consequences. She doubted whether the school principal even knew about it.

  The only times Kaley visited the chat room was when she needed to know something. Occasionally, she would pick up a whisper that was particularly salacious and wanted to know more.

  Harper was usually a good source of information, she normally eavesdropped on every conversation she came across. However, sometimes there would be something so juicy that even she didn’t know. The chat room usually had all the details.

  She logged in and watched the conversations going on. She had never actually participated in one yet, but she was certain nobody would know who she was anyway.

  Once, she had thought about using the chat room to start a rumor about herself. Nothing bad, just something that would make her a topic of conversation. She didn’t have the guts to go through with it, assuming it would probably backfire anyway.

  Most of the chatter was about the big football game coming up and complaints about too much homework from old Mr. Wiley.

  The usual stuff.

  It took over ten minutes for her to recognize the avatar of Abigail as she logged on. She was immediately messaged by one of her minions, a girl named Macy. People tried to conceal their true identities in the chat room, but Kaley had worked most of them out. It wasn’t hard in most cases, however there were a few she still couldn’t identify. It annoyed her that she couldn’t work it out.

  Kaley watched the exchange between Macy and Abigail, otherwise known as Lollipops and Sparkles. Despite talking in a kind of code, she could follow it. They talked about a shirt someone wore that they apparently found repulsive for ages before getting to the good stuff.

  Did you talk with him today?

  Yeah.

  And???

  I don’t know.

  It looked pretty intense.

  It was. He said sorry.

  So are you back together, it’s what you wanted, right?

  Yeah, I gave him one last chance. He better not stuff it up again or I swear, it’s over for good.

  He doesn’t deserve you.

  I know.

  Kaley’s heart sank. They were obviously talking about Eli and obviously he had gotten back together with Abigail. After the very public fight they had at school, she was surprised to think Abigail would stoop so low to forgive him.

  She had been publicly embarrassed, that was an offence punishable by death. Nobody else had been afforded a second chance, she wished Eli wasn’t the first.

  She logged out of the chat room as the conversation started turning to shoes. She had seen more than enough, her hopes were crushed beyond repair.

  She needed to get Eli out of her head, she was no match for Abigail. If there had been a tiny chance before, that boat had now well and truly sailed – to Siberia. Writing her stupid song was pointless, she may as well give up now.

  If only it was
that simple. If she knew how, she would do it. The problem was she had no idea how she was supposed to get over Eli. Or, at least, the very idea of Eli. He consumed her every thought, she couldn’t turn it off.

  “Dinner, Kaley,” Georgie called from the kitchen.

  At least that would be a distraction. Kaley put away her laptop and tried to put on a smile. She limped out of the room, vowing she would not reveal her stupid crush and subsequent heartbreak to her mother. It would only make things a hundred times worse.

  Chapter 4

  “Kaley, do you mind if I come in?” Georgie knocked on her door, speaking in such a quiet tone that Kaley wasn’t sure if she heard right. Her mother never asked for permission to come in, what was going on?

  She started to get a bad feeling that something terrible was about to happen. The same kind of feeling she got when a teacher said they had a surprise for the class and she knew that meant a test.

  “Sure, Mom, come in.”

  Georgie sat on the bed and stared at her daughter for some time. Enough time to completely freak her out.

  “Is everything okay?” Kaley finally asked, having enough of the staring competition. She may as well hear the bad news now and get it over and done with.

  “You didn’t eat very much at dinner tonight, are you feeling alright?” She placed a hand on her forehead and felt for a fever. There was none, of course. She took her hand back.

  “Mom, I’m fine. I just wasn’t very hungry.” Kaley didn’t add the part about how her appetite had completely disappeared when she saw Abigail explaining how she had taken Eli back.

  “Did something happen at school today? They didn’t purposefully hit you with that hockey puck, did they?”

  “No, Mom. It was just an accident.” She wasn’t visible enough to have someone dislike her enough to hurt her on purpose, she knew this without question.

  “I worry about you, Kaley. You don’t talk much to me anymore. You used to tell me everything and now I have to guess what’s going on in your life. I worry you’re hiding things from me.”

  Kaley’s first reaction was to roll her eyes, but she refrained. She could tell it was something her mother was really worried about. She sometimes had moments when she doubted whether she was being a good enough mother.

  It was those moments when Kaley would always reassure her she was and that everything was fine. It would be sufficient for another few weeks, sometimes even months, before the doubts crept back in again.

  “I’m not hiding anything,” Kaley said, using her most innocent face. “You just have a very boring daughter that really doesn’t do anything. If I did, you’d be the first person I told.”

  “Many girls your age have eating disorders, or they’re cutting themselves. It’s an epidemic. Just promise me you aren’t doing either of those things.”

  “I promise I don’t have an eating disorder and definitely not cutting myself. See.” She turned over her wrists to prove her point – no scars or freshly opened wounds. “All clear.”

  “Okay then. As long as you promise you’ll tell me if something is wrong. You can talk to me about anything.”

  “I promise.”

  “Have a good night’s sleep then.” Georgie leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, like she used to when she was little. It was a sweet gesture, Kaley actually tolerated it.

  She watched as her mother left before breathing a sigh of relief. Mother Barbie always overreacted to everything, hence the reason she was always kept out of the loop.

  She could only imagine what her mother would say if she actually told her about Eli. But really, what was there to tell? Some guy had run into her in the corridor and she felt an obsessive need to think about him constantly? That wasn’t newsworthy, that was just pathetic.

  As she turned off the light and settled into bed, she did, however, make a mental note to find something new to tell her mother. Perhaps she would have to make something up, like she joined the band with Harper. That would get her out of trouble for a while.

  Little did she realize the next day would bring something actually noteworthy. Something Mother Barbie would just eat up.

  Chapter 5

  There was always a time in the school year which signaled the end of the world. It was a time when you felt the ground should open up and be done with you. Or lightning should strike you down to the floor right away. At Sandyridge High School, that moment was now. The posters for the first official dance of the year were being slapped onto the wall.

  “Already?” Kaley moaned to herself as she stared from her locker. She wondered if she would fit inside and be able to lock the door from in there. It would be more comfortable than watching everyone fuss over the stupid dance.

  And then there would be Harper. Every dance she tried desperately to get a date. She always wanted to go to every school event, she genuinely enjoyed them for some unknown reason. The problem was she rarely got asked so would drag Kaley along for company.

  It was pathetic, standing by the wall watching everyone else have a good time while they sipped on their punch. The clock would slowly get more interesting than the dancers as she counted down the minutes until one of their parents would pick them up.

  For just a moment of indulgence, Kaley wondered what it would feel like to be excited to go to the dance. She imagined what it would be like to have Eli ask her, pick her up and give her a corsage, and then dance with her all night.

  The thought of it sent butterflies shuddering around her stomach. She quickly pushed the thought away, it would never happen. He was probably asking Abigail at that very moment, probably in some romantic way, too.

  “Dance time.”

  The voice came so suddenly behind her it made her jump. She shook away her daydream and turned to the owner of the voice.

  “Hey, Harvey. Can you believe it’s that time again? They’re torturing us early this year.”

  Harvey shrugged, the way he always did when he didn’t know what to say. “I guess some people enjoy the dance.”

  “Yeah, the popular people.”

  “Other people enjoy it, too. People like us.”

  Kaley looked at him for a moment in confusion, she had no idea who he was talking about. There was the popular people and then everybody else. That was about it. Invisible people didn’t count, nobody ever counted them.

  Harvey could possibly be considered invisible, he was on the cusp. He was a nice, cute guy – that got him some attention. Especially from those that needed a math tutor. However, Kaley got the feeling he was happy to fly under the radar. He didn’t really belong to any group so he was a free agent. He could talk to anyone, really.

  “I wonder what the theme is this year,” Kaley commented, not really caring about anything but filling the silence. She turned to her locker to retrieve the books she needed. “The poster is a bit ambiguous.”

  “I think it’s a fifties theme or something. I overheard some girls talking about poodle skirts.”

  “Gee, I can’t wait.”

  “Can’t wait for what?” Harper joined them, her usual perky self. She was already holding her books, ready for another day.

  “Kaley can’t wait for the dance,” Harvey answered for her. “I know, I was shocked too.” He feigned surprise, his sarcasm getting the better of him. “I’ll see you around.”

  Kaley closed her locker and started walking, Harper giggling at her side. She saw Harvey disappear into the crowd ahead.

  “So did he ask you?” Harper questioned when she was sure he was out of earshot.

  “Ask me what?”

  “Ask you to the dance.” She rolled her eyes, as if that should have been obvious. “Clearly he wants to.”

  That was possibly the scariest thing Harper had ever said. “No he doesn’t. We were just talking about the theme, that’s all. Eww, Harvey and I have known each other since we were six. He’s like my brother.”

  “Feelings change over time, Kaley. You can’t deny that he’s hot. And you’re
hot. I think you’d be cute together.”

  “I’m not even having this discussion with you.” She started walking quicker, hoping to avoid the whole conversation.

  “You’ll see I’m right. Maybe you should give him a break and ask him to the dance.”

  She clearly wasn’t going to shut up about it. Kaley decided to turn it back around on her. “Who are you going to ask anyway? Have any victim in mind?”

  “I don’t know. I’d really like to go with Cooper Sutton, but I don’t think he’ll ask me.”

  “You could ask him, get in quick before someone else does?”

  Harper shook her head sadly. “I couldn’t do that. He’d probably laugh at me. Why do the mean ones always have to be so gorgeous?”

  Kaley’s mind turned to Eli. She would probably get the same reaction if she asked him to the dance. She didn’t blame Harper for chickening out. After all, she was doing the same thing. She would rather be Harper’s date to the dance than suffer the humiliation of being rejected.

  “Who knows? Maybe we’ll both get lucky and be asked out by our dream guys this year,” Kaley said optimistically. She knew there was no chance of it, but it seemed to cheer Harper up. And who knows, perhaps it might happen eventually? She just hoped it wouldn’t be Harvey that asked her, as Harper predicted.

  They walked to class slowly to allow for Kaley’s injured leg, watching all the happy couples talking about the dance as they went. It seemed like everyone was already paired up, not only for the dance but for the year too.

  Everyone except them.

  Perhaps there was something wrong with the boy to girl ratio in their grade. Perhaps the girls outnumbered the boys so some had to go without. But it seemed like there were only the two of them left over, maybe it wasn’t the ratio that was off.

  Chapter 6

  Kaley was so desperate she was about to do something she knew she would regret later on. Perhaps even start regretting instantly. However, she had no other choice.