All the Pretty Ghosts (The Never Alone Series Book 1) Page 8

  Nothing.

  Especially not me.

  “You can help,” Oliver replied quietly. He knew he was losing the argument. He also knew how stubborn I could be. It was not my place to save the world, and I certainly was not equipped to.

  I gave up trying to convince him, we were only wasting time and energy – something neither of us had much of anymore. “I’m going home. You don’t have to follow me if you don’t want to.”

  I left the safe house, almost running into the spirit who had helped us find the place the previous day. A cold shiver ran down my spine. I thanked her for watching out for us before stomping down the road.

  It didn’t take long for Oliver’s soft footsteps to come up behind me and fall into sync at my side.

  “I thought you weren’t coming,” I mumbled.

  Except I didn’t mean it.

  Oliver would always follow me.

  Friends did that for one another. I knew I wasn’t a good friend for my refusal to do the same for him. I had stopped following Oliver without question shortly after the Event. Before then was another matter.

  “I can’t let you get kidnapped again,” Oliver replied. When my gaze flicked to him, I saw the cheeky grin on his face. It was a rare sight nowadays. I could at least return it.

  After we had walked all morning, I recognized the area we were approaching. It was our old neighborhood, we were close to our old schools.

  Finally.

  Food. I still needed food considering mine had been donated to the boys who took me. It was probably long gone now and there was no way I was going to go back and check.

  “We need to go past the school hall so I can get supplies again,” I pointed out. Oliver nodded silently at my side. We altered our course to veer toward the hall. I had no desire to return to all the chaos and pain but I didn’t have much choice. I needed to eat.

  The noise from the hall assaulted my ears before it did my eyes. We rounded a corner and disease and tears spilled from every pore and crevice of the building. My instincts were to run in the opposite direction but I managed to coax my legs forward.

  “The kitchen is through here,” Oliver said, pointing toward a closed door.

  I swung it open and we entered. The kind volunteers running the kitchen were too busy with their duties to notice us. We barely made it into the fold of the chaos before I found some supplies. I swept up some packets of rice and soup, enough to sustain me for a few weeks if I rationed it carefully.

  Placing the items in a discarded bag, I slung it over my shoulder. I wasn’t going to lose them this time. I would take the food back to my house on the hill and I wouldn’t emerge again until I absolutely had to.

  As I made my way through the twisting streets away from the hall, I looked at every face I passed. At first I didn’t realize what I was doing. Then it hit me.

  I was looking for Lilia.

  The little girl that reminded me so much of my sister was nowhere to be seen. I worried about her. If what had happened to me was happening to other kids, it could happen to her, too. The delicate, sweet little girl that was so proud of being able to look after herself.

  She wouldn’t have been able to protect herself from those monsters. If I couldn’t, neither could she. I had a sudden, overwhelming need to know she was alright. Once I saw her face, I would be able to forget about her, reassure myself there was nothing I could do for her.

  “We need to make another detour,” I stated. Oliver gave me a curious look but didn’t argue.

  I centered myself with the hall to remember where the little girl was living. She had turned left and then right, and then two lefts again. It was a grey building two blocks away, one that was significantly damaged but apparently still livable.

  “Do I want to know where we’re going?” Oliver asked.

  “There’s a girl I need to check on.”

  “Someone you knew before?”

  I shook my head. There was no-one I wanted to see that I knew before the Event. I probably wouldn’t recognize my friends. They certainly wouldn’t be my friends anymore.

  I found the door and knocked, not sure what I was expecting. Lilia wouldn’t answer the door, she would be too frightened. People didn’t make house calls these days.

  Giving the handle a try, it moved. It was unlocked – unsurprisingly. Lilia wouldn’t have a key that fit the mechanism.

  “Lilia,” I called out several times but received no response. She was probably out, collecting food or water. That was probably part of her daily routine, the one that kept her sane through all the lonely days.

  We walked in, Oliver followed as close behind as he dared. I headed straight for the one room I knew Lilia occupied. That door was closed too. I knocked and waited for any kind of response.

  There was none.

  I turned the handle and pushed it open, getting no resistance. The moment there was a sliver of a gap between the door, the smell hit me.

  It was the smell of death.

  Chapte rSeven

  Ithought I must be mistaken. When I had last seen Lilia she was so happy and determined. It couldn’t be her death that was trapped in my nose. It just couldn’t be.

  Her little face still swum in front of my eyes.

  She wasn’t moving.

  My head was screaming just one word: no. It took a while to realize it was also coming from my mouth. I ran to her body. Little Lilia, the innocent child that reminded me so much of my sister.

  Dead.

  Lifeless.

  Gone. She was gone and she was alone. There was nobody to comfort her, whisper sweet lies of reassurance as she slipped from her body. Lilia had died alone in the place she was so proud of.

  The smell no longer registered, only the lifeless gaze of Lilia’s still-open eyes. I knew she could no longer hear or see me, but it didn’t stop me taking her in my arms. I whispered repeatedly to her, “I’m so sorry”, “I should have been there for you”, “Who did this to you?”

  Oliver waited a very long time, sitting on the floor beside us, letting me grieve for the child I didn’t really know. She had survived for so long on her own, why had she left now?

  Nothing was making sense. Crying was a useless emotion, all the tears had long left my body. Yet sitting there with the dead girl in my arms, they managed to find their way back to me again.

  Tears welled in my eyes, blurring my vision. If I concentrated enough, I could imagine her waking up and laughing about how she had tricked me. I wanted that to be true and real more than I had wanted anything for a very long time.

  “Ev,” Oliver started softly. He was speaking to me like I was a wild horse, ready to bolt or attack at any time. “We have to go. We can’t stay here all day. She’s gone.”

  His words didn’t register in my brain. I didn’t want to leave. I couldn’t leave her. Not again. She was even more defenseless now than she was before.

  I had made the mistake of leaving Lilia once, I wouldn’t do it again. She was so small and frail, there was nobody to protect her. I should have done it earlier, I should never have left her alone when she was so young.

  Her death was on my hands.

  I continued to cradle her as the tears fell from my cheeks to hers. They streaked a trail down her delicate face and disappeared into her red hair. They didn’t magically awaken her like in a fairytale. She was gone.

  For good.

  “We can bury her if you like,” Oliver said. “We don’t have to leave her here.”

  I could bury her. I could give her the final act of compassion that she was denied before her death. At least then she would be safe for good. Nobody would be able to hurt her again. Not if she was buried deep within the earth.

  I nodded and wiped at my tears. I could do this for her. I could get through it. But I needed to do something first. “I have to wash her. She’s covered in dirt.”

  Whether Oliver understood or not, he gave me space to do what I had to. He guarded the door, looking out toward the corri
dor while I undressed Lilia.

  The water was cold but she was no longer here to feel the goosebumps. I used an old rag she had in the sink to thoroughly clean her little body. I untied her hair from the ponytail she still wore and let it fall around her face. She was like a little porcelain doll. She didn’t deserve to die.

  I dressed her again in the same clothes, not finding any others in the room. I wrapped her in the blanket she was lying in when we found her. It wasn’t much of a burial shroud, but at least it would protect her somewhat. At least she would be warm.

  “She’s ready,” I said. Oliver went to pick Lilia up but I stopped him. “I’ll carry her. It’s the least I can do.” He didn’t argue as he led me out of the house.

  We had to walk three blocks before we found enough dirt and ground in which to bury her. I didn’t have a shovel, only my hands. The park’s earth was damp from the recent rain. I placed Lilia on the ground and starting pulling at the soil.

  Again, Oliver tried to help but I admonished him. “I have to do it myself. I have to. She deserves that.”

  He argued quite a bit with me about that but I didn’t care. Lilia was my responsibility and I wasn’t going to let her down again. I continued to dig. Dirt caked in my fingernails, so deep I would never be able to get it out.

  Good. It would be a reminder of the girl that had died because of me. I should not have left her alone. She was just a child, more than half my own age. And I had walked away from her, after I waited until she was asleep. Like a coward.

  I dug and dug until I had made a grave for her. It was deep enough that nobody would find her, but not deep enough so I could forget her.

  I picked up her tiny, frail body and gently placed Lilia in the earth. I covered her over with a determined set to my jaw. I wasn’t going to cry any more. It was useless. I was useless when I cried. It was an emotion that had no place in my life.

  When I was done, I found a single dandelion flower and placed it on her grave. It was not the burial she deserved but at least nobody could hurt her anymore.

  “We should go now,” I whispered. I hoped Lilia would forgive me for walking away from her twice. We started moving, I resisted the urge to run back and beg for her forgiveness.

  “We should take what we can from her apartment,” Oliver said. I stopped, turning to face him with a look of shock etched in my features.

  “I can’t rob her.”

  “It’s not robbing her. It’s taking what you need for survival. She would understand.”

  I shook my head fervently. “I’m not taking anything of hers.”

  “If Lilia was your friend, she would want you to take what you need,” Oliver argued. “If you don’t, someone else will. Would she like that any more?”

  “I am not doing it. It’s robbing the dead.”

  “Everly, will you just do it. Please?”

  “No. I don’t even know how you can suggest something like that. It’s wrong, Oliver.”

  “I’m trying to keep you alive,” he yelled at me. He actually yelled at me. Oliver hadn’t raised his voice to me for years. Not since I accidently broke his favorite toy car when we were nine years old. “Why can’t you see that? We live in a world that is hard. You need to fight back, Ev. You need to survive.”

  I didn’t see what made me so special, why I needed to survive more than anyone else. But I was too speechless to say anything. Oliver never got riled up like that. He was my rock, the one person I could count on to keep me calm.

  He had obviously reached his boiling point. If it was so important to him, then I would do it. Even though the thought made me want to vomit.

  “Fine,” I sighed. “We’ll see what she has.”

  We changed course and returned to Lilia’s apartment. The entire way, I stared at the ground. Lilia was dead, which meant her spirit could pop up at any time. I didn’t want to see her, not so soon.

  I dreaded crossing the threshold into her apartment. When people passed, they tended to linger around things that meant something to them. Normally that was their home because that’s where their loved ones were. Lilia wouldn’t have that connection to her place, but it was probably all she left behind.

  I hesitated on the top step long enough for Oliver to notice. “Are you okay?”

  “Let’s just get this over and done with.” I took the last step and hurried on through, keen for it to be over. There was no point in extending our time here. In and out, that was the plan. And hopefully not see any dead little girls in the meantime.

  Lilia didn’t have a great deal but what she had accumulated for herself was handy. I took some cans of food, a blanket, and some soap. I would have to wash the blanket over and over again before it stopped smelling of her. I couldn’t have that reminder.

  I just couldn’t.

  I gathered up the items and stuck them in my bag with the rest of my food. I would have enough supplies for a little longer now. Thanks to the dead girl.

  “What do you think killed her?” Oliver’s voice frightened me in the small space. I was too lost in my own thoughts.

  “She didn’t have any marks on her body,” I replied, remembering when I had bathed her. Her poor little body. “She had a few bruises, but they were starting to heal.”

  “It could have been natural causes. Starvation, malnutrition.”

  “Or loneliness.”

  “Ev, it’s not your fault. You can’t blame yourself for this.”

  Except I did. And I would continue to do so. I shrugged, ending the conversation. The only consolation I could take was the fact Lilia didn’t die violently. Alone, cold, scared, yes. But not at someone else’s hand.

  We left and stood in the street outside. I needed to breathe deeply to refill my lungs. I wasn’t going to cry anymore, it was pointless. If I told myself that enough, it usually worked. After all, it was just one dead girl. Out of all that had already died, what was one more?

  I knew the answer. It was because of my sister. I had to find her, I just had to. I hadn’t seen her as a spirit child, not even when I had seen so many others. She had to be out there somewhere.

  “So, back to the house?” Oliver asked. He had been so patient and perfect with me all day. If he wasn’t here, I would still be a mess on the floor, hunched over with nothing to go on for.

  The thought of being at my house on the hill suddenly didn’t seem as attractive as it did. Would I suffer the same fate as Lilia? How long would it be for someone to discover my decomposing corpse? It wasn’t like the forty-three ghosts that lived there with me would be able to dispose of my body. They probably wouldn’t even notice I had stopped listening to them.

  Or perhaps someone would find me.

  Taz and Jet and all those boys could track me down. They had asked me where I lived. Even though I tried to be vague, they could piece it together. They could find me.

  Would they have any more mercy for me if they found me again? I somehow doubted they would. My death would probably be long and drawn out, made to suffer for embarrassing them by escaping the first time. They wouldn’t risk it a second time.

  “I don’t know where to go,” I admitted.

  “You could stay.”

  “For what? There’s nothing here for me anymore.”

  Oliver shifted his weight between his feet, summoning up the courage to say what he wanted to. I wished he would just spit it out. I knew I wouldn’t like it.

  “Well?” I prompted.

  “You could stay and help,” he finally said. How many times did we need to have that conversation? I was no closer to understanding how I could be of help to a broken city. I was just one girl.

  And I was just as broken.

  I threw up my hands in frustration. I felt like I was on the verge of insanity with nothing making sense. I was so close to tipping over the edge that I could see the fall. “How could I possibly help? Tell me specifically what I can do. Please, Oliver, because I’m totally lost here.”

  If he was affected by my outb
urst, he didn’t let it show. Cool and collected, that was Oliver. He was a good guy to have around in an emergency. “You could be more aware. Open up your mind to the spirits and listen to them. They have knowledge that we need.”

  “They say nothing but garbage. It’s just chatter, it doesn’t mean anything.”

  “But are you really listening?”

  What the hell was he talking about? I had ears, of course I was listening to the ghosts. It was all I could do to not listen to them sometimes. It was harder keeping them out than letting them in.

  I turned around and started walking. I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t care either. Let Taz find me, he could do his worst.

  “Where are you going?” Oliver called out.

  I didn’t turn around to answer him. “I need some time alone. I have to think.”

  “Be careful.”

  No amount of carefulness would be good enough in the city. I thought I was careful before Jet’s boys took me. Now I knew there was nowhere to hide from them.

  Oliver let me go and every step I took led me further away from him. He had no right telling me what to do. He had no idea what the spirits were like. He couldn’t. He had to be only guessing, grasping at straws like everyone else still hanging onto a spark of hope in the city.

  There was no destination to my walk so I didn’t know when I would get there. Darkness was still a long time away, I could walk for hours before I needed to find somewhere for the night. At least that was a small mercy.

  I stomped until my feet hurt and I couldn’t walk any further. I looked around at my surroundings. I was in a residential neighborhood. A few kids were sitting on the curb, some clutching onto the small railings up to the apartment buildings.

  All were filthy.

  All were hopeless.

  It was as safe a place as any. I sat on the bottom of three stairs that led to a red front door. It was hanging on its hinges, it wouldn’t last long before it would fall off completely.

  Oliver’s words were still ringing in my ears.

  Open your mind to the spirits.