Songbird Read online

  “Already done it,” she said proudly. “I’ll leave you to it. Goodnight Mr. and Mrs. Wilcox, Brierly.”

  “Goodnight, dear,” Mom said before taking my hand and leading me to one of the oversized couches in the lobby. “We have so much to catch up on. Tell me all about this Forest person. I want to meet him, he better be treating you right.”

  Forest was the last thing I wanted to talk about with my parents. I yawned, trying not to let it show. “He might be busy tomorrow, you might not get to see him.”

  Mom tsked at the idea. “I’m sure he’ll have two minutes to spare for us. We can’t have just anyone dating our little girl, you know.”

  I could already imagine how that conversation would go. Guys like Forest weren’t the kind of guy you took home, they weren’t the type to make parents instantly fall in love with them. I had never introduced Braydon to my parents for the same reason.

  I yawned again, eliciting a pat on the back from my mom. “Look at you, you’re exhausted. We can talk tomorrow. How about we start the day with breakfast? Say eight o’clock?”

  “Eight o’clock, I’ll see you then,” I replied, pulling myself onto my feet and barely being able to stand.

  We said goodnight and I shuffled to my room. All my problems would have to wait until tomorrow. Right then, all I needed was my pajamas and bed.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Twenty minutes. That’s all the time I had to fix everything that was wrong with my life before having breakfast with my parents. It wasn’t long, but I had to do something.

  I had awoken in the early hours of the morning and spent hours tossing and turning. I kept thinking about how much I wanted to go into the bathroom after lunch and force myself to throw up. I couldn’t believe how close I had come to actually doing it.

  If Forest hadn’t been looking for me, would I still have done it? I would like to think not, but I wasn’t so sure. My hand had been on the doorknob, I was going into the bathroom to do it. Once alone in that stall, I doubt I would have stopped myself and that was the most frightening thing of all.

  I was still thinking about it as I stood in the hotel corridor. I knocked on Forest’s door. He wasn’t my main problem, but he was hopefully the easiest one to solve. After all, I only had twenty minutes.

  A sleepy Forest answered the door, leaning against the frame and making it clear I wasn’t invited in. His bruises were purple and swollen. His dark honey hair was all messy, like he’d spent a night tossing and turning too. Hopefully he was doing it alone and it wasn’t mussed up from something else.

  “Brierly,” he grumbled, putting a plethora of emotion in that one single word.

  “Can I come in?” I asked. He looked me up and down before stepping aside. He let me in and closed the door but continued to stand by it. “I may have overreacted yesterday and I’m sorry.”

  “You may have overreacted?”

  “I was having a bad day.”

  “I get that people have bad days, but it doesn’t mean you can treat me like crap and use that as an excuse.”

  Okay, fair enough, I probably deserved that. “I know, I’m sorry.”

  “For the record, I am nothing like Braydon.”

  “I know.”

  “To think you would even compare me to him, it hurts. What have I done to deserve that?” Forest demanded. His beautiful eyes were burning, it pained me seeing him like that. And to know I had done it.

  But he wasn’t completely the victim. Forest had still shirked the gig and forgotten about handling the media. Not to mention punching the idiot Consentino. He might not think he was like Braydon, but there were still some shades of him there.

  “I said I’m sorry,” I repeated.

  “I guess I am too,” he replied, but there was nothing apologetic in his tone of voice. He was still angry with me for flying off the handle. I didn’t have the time or inclination to start groveling. Twenty minutes obviously wasn’t going to be long enough.

  “I have to go, I’m having breakfast with my parents.” I took a step toward the door.

  “Your parents are here?”

  “Yeah, they jumped on a plane after we spoke yesterday morning. You can join us if you want, they’d like to meet you.”

  He didn’t say anything, just watched me leave. He obviously wasn’t interested in meeting my parents. That was probably a good thing. I didn’t want to have to explain to them why my new relationship had gone so horribly wrong already. It would only be another reason for them to worry.

  I headed for the hotel restaurant, my stomach more than ready for some food to settle it. As I approached, I saw my parents talking with Demi at the door, waiting for me. With their backs to me, they didn’t hear me come up.

  As I got closer, I could hear them talking. They weren’t discussing the weather or tour, they were talking about me. I quickly took a step sideways to hide around the corner. I felt like a ten year old again, I used to eavesdrop on my parents all the time growing up. They never caught me.

  “We’re only concerned about her mental health,” my mom was saying. “The moment her eating disorder gets the best of her, she spirals downward out of control.”

  “And she’ll hide it,” Dad added. “She’ll make you think everything is fine but it’s not. She internalizes every bit of emotion until she falls apart at the seams.”

  Demi cleared her throat, I could imagine her nodding in response. “I’m watching her closely, monitoring everything your doctor said to. That photograph was taken out of context, the girl is allowed to eat pie if she wants to.”

  “Of course she can,” Mom continued. “But then she might choose to casually walk off to the bathroom and make herself throw it up again afterward. That is what we have to be careful of. It’s not like she’ll come right out and tell you what she’s done.”

  “She seems to be in a good place.” At least Demi was defending me. “Everything is going well for her, I think she’s really turned a corner.”

  “What about the photos? Not just the one with the pie, but the one of the naked man in her room. You can’t tell me that is something Brierly would do in her normal state of mind.” Dad sounded scandalized, I guess Forest’s picture had made it to the internet. It took longer than I thought. It was a good thing I no longer got embarrassed about my parents knowing I was having sex.

  “The man in the photograph is the lead guitarist in the band,” Demi explained. “He and Brierly have been seeing each other for six weeks now. They seem quite devoted to each other. I’m sure the photograph was a slip of the mind rather than on purpose.”

  I couldn’t listen any longer. To know your parents were disappointed in you was one thing, to listen to it was something else entirely. They would have to talk about me behind my back later.

  It briefly crossed my mind whether my parents regretted adopting me all those years ago. They had no idea what an unstable daughter they were getting. Normally people didn’t have to worry about their child inflicting injury on themselves. Apparently mine did.

  I stepped out from behind the corner like I only just arrived. “Hey, Mom, Dad, Demi.” I gave them a hug in turn, wearing my happy mask.

  We took a seat and exchanged pleasantries until our breakfast arrived. I ordered healthy muesli with fresh fruit. I couldn’t help but notice everyone pay attention to my meal. I took a few bites, ignoring their glances.

  My muesli had barely been started before another person pulled up a seat to our table and joined us. When I saw it was Forest, I almost fell over. He flashed his smile around the table. “You must be Mr. and Mrs. Wilcox. I’m Forest Knight, Brierly has told me so much about you.”

  My father’s hand shot out to shake his, my mom nodded toward him. The waiter hurried over to take his order, apparently he was staying for breakfast. Either he had a change of heart, or he was just as good of an actor as I was.

  “So you’re the man who stole our daughter’s heart,” Mom said, smiling warmly. It didn’t translate to her eyes t
hough, she was like a smiling politician.

  “More like she stole mine,” Forest replied. Surely that wasn’t the same guy I had been arguing with upstairs less than half an hour earlier. I was seriously going to owe him big time for the charade.

  Mom laughed. “Maybe you’re both thieves then. How did you two meet?”

  “He auditioned for the band,” I replied before Forest could come up with something outrageous and completely untrue. He had that glint of mischief in his eye, I was a little worried about what he might say.

  “I really wanted to work with Brierly.” Forest winked, he actually winked at my mother. I looked around for an exit, wondering if it would be too subtle to get up and leave.

  “He’s a gifted musician,” I added, trying to bring it back to safe ground.

  “You know I don’t trust any musician,” Dad said, crossing his arms across his chest as his gaze flicked between us. “Not when my little girl is involved.”

  “Dad, I’m a musician.” I said the words before I thought about them. It wasn’t like Dad trusted me any more than any other musician out there. Their conversation earlier proved that. “And so are you two, we all are musicians.”

  He placed a hand on my shoulder, like he had done a thousand times while I was growing up. “You are the exception to every rule, Brier. You know that.”

  For just a second, it was like I was speaking with my old father again. The one who I hadn’t jaded with lies and deceived over and over again. I would give away all my money if I could go back to those times.

  Dad turned his focus back to Forest before I could dwell on sentimentalities. “I hope you know our daughter is the most precious thing in the world to us. I won’t accept anyone hurting her.”

  All the mischief was suddenly gone from Forest’s expression as he grew serious. “I wouldn’t expect anything less, Mr. Wilcox. I promise you I don’t intend on causing her any harm.”

  Both my parents nodded with approval. They might have believed him but I wasn’t sure if I did yet. As much as I knew I loved Forest, the sensible voice inside my head said not to. I shouldn’t love anyone and hand over the power to hurt me. I had dived into it with Braydon and it caused nothing but pain and torment. I almost died because of falling so hard for him and I couldn’t do it again.

  After breakfast we went for a drive before deciding on hitting the beach. My parents claimed they didn’t care what they did as long as they did it with me. I loved their cheesiness.

  I managed to convince everyone that Forest and Demi had other things to do so it was just me and my parents. I didn’t have to be the professional, the pop star, the girlfriend, the boss around them. I could be myself and the girl they had raised since she was a baby.

  The sand felt hot and soothing under my feet. For a weekend, the beach wasn’t as busy as I thought it would be. With my big floppy hat and sunglasses, hopefully nobody would even know I was there.

  We found a place and laid our towels over the sand. My dad decided to go for a swim to cool off, leaving my mom and I alone. She pounced on the opportunity to speak with me without an audience. “So tell me how you really are, Brier Bear.” My childhood nickname brought a smile to my lips.

  “I’m really fine, Mom.” I had no clue how to convince her. Maybe if I hadn’t come so close to relapsing yesterday, I might be able to do it more convincingly. “The tour is going well, ticket sales are up, my fans are great. Everything really is going my way.”

  “And this boy, Forest? How is everything with him? You said you weren’t going to date anyone you worked with anymore. I remember because I was relieved hearing it at the time.”

  I remembered that conversation too. It was in the hospital when I was still being force fed by a tube that threaded down my nose into my stomach. If I thought about it long enough, I could still feel the tube in my throat. I swallowed to try to get it to go away.

  “Forest is different, he’s nice. He’s stable, he cares about me, he knows what I’ve gone through. It’s different this time,” I tried to reassure her.

  She took my hand in hers, squeezing it. “I worry so much about you. Forest does seem nice, but there was a time when you would have said the same things about Braydon.”

  “It’s not the same, I’m going into this – whatever I have with Forest – with my eyes wide open this time. I’m not some stupid groupie with stars in my eyes. I’ve grown up a lot in the last year.”

  “And where do you see this thing going? Is it wise to get involved with someone when you are still recovering?” Her forehead was creased with worry wrinkles. She seemed to have grown older over the last year too. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t be able to take that time off again.

  “I’m going to be recovering for the rest of my life,” I replied. “Forest actually makes me feel stronger, more in control. If anything, he’s helping me feel normal again. That’s all I want right now, to feel normal.”

  She wrapped her arms around me and enveloped me in a mom-style hug that always made the world a more bearable place to live. It healed everything she had said to Demi before breakfast. I knew she was only worried about me, I just wished she didn’t have to be. I was a terrible daughter, I was never going to be able to make it up to them.

  “Oh my God, it’s Brierly Wilcox!” The female shriek, undoubtedly of a teenager, came from behind. I cringed, perhaps they were talking about someone else? My doppelganger, perhaps?

  “I totally told you it was her!” Another girl, another shriek of equally high pitch.

  Before I could open my mouth to deny anything, we were swarmed by teenagers. They stood, crouched, and lurked around. All cell phones were out and pointed my way.

  “Can I have my picture taken with you?”

  “I’m totally tweeting this.”

  “I can’t believe you’re here. I’m your biggest fan.”

  I smiled, trying to formulate a plan to get out of there. Too many people with no security team was a recipe for something horrible to happen. I knew all those girls meant well, but they could be a formidable force when together.

  I stood quickly, grabbing my towel as I moved. I slung my bag over my shoulder. “Sorry girls, I’ve got to go. Thanks for your kind words.”

  I went to move but they stopped me, a brick wall made out of humans. Glancing up further, it wasn’t only fans there watching. A line of photographers were perched on the sand dune, all their lenses pointed right at me. I needed to get out of there, quickly.

  The moment I stopped to pose for one photo, my chances of leaving would dwindle down to zero. I needed to be firm or I could drown. “Thanks so much for coming, but I really need to go now.”

  The girls closest to me tried to move but the bodies pressed behind them wouldn’t allow it. My mom gripped my shoulders behind me, unused to being suffocated by people. It was a good thing I was quite familiar with it.

  “Everybody take a step back,” I directly loudly, making sure those at the back could hear. “I have to get to the venue for my concert tonight. I hope to see you all there.”

  They weren’t going to move without some more encouragement. I put my head down and barreled through them, making a path for myself. When close enough, they eventually found room to move.

  My mother trailed behind, we were joined by my dad as we reached the car.

  “What was that all about?” He asked.

  “I’m sorry to cut our time short,” I apologized. It felt like that was all I did lately. We climbed into the car and didn’t waste any time before getting out of there. “I didn’t think they’d recognize me.”

  “It’s okay, honey. The beach was a bit too hot anyway,” Mom said. “We’ll have some nice lunch instead.”

  Just like she promised, we found a quiet restaurant and chose a table at the very back where nobody could bother us again. We caught up with all the family gossip as they took inventory of every bite I ate. They didn’t think I noticed, but I did. I always did.

  Mid-afternoon, I dropped them
back at the hotel before my driver took me to my concert venue. It was the American Airlines Arena’s Waterfront Theatre, capacity roughly about twenty thousand. Not big, not small, just average. It matched my mood.

  The band were already in the green room, enjoying the catering spread. Demi was pacing, running around speaking into her headset. Nobody seemed to have missed me for the day.

  I was guided to my dressing room, the one place that was supposed to be all mine. Only my styling team were allowed in, everyone else needed to be invited. Ryan buzzed at the door.

  “Sound check in ten minutes,” he said before leaving just as quickly.

  I looked around the room, fresh flowers were placed on the small table in the corner – daffodils, my favorite. It wasn’t the season for them, someone went to a lot of trouble to be nice to me.

  Sitting on the dressing table surrounded in light was a yellow envelope with my name handwritten on it. There was no postmark, someone had personally placed it there for me. I picked it up, it wasn’t ticking, that was always a good sign.

  The envelope was heavier than a letter, larger too. Whatever was inside had some substance. I turned it over, enjoying all the possibilities of what could be inside. I liked presents, who wouldn’t?

  I slid open the end, careful not to rip the envelope. There were photographs inside, the thick card causing the additional weight to the small package. I turned them over, they fell out of my hand, and my scream carried all the way down the hall.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Somebody get security, I want to know exactly how this got in here,” Demi ordered as people started scrambling in all different directions.

  I locked my fingers together so everyone wouldn’t see them shaking. My legs were tenuous at best, I needed to sit down but my chair was all the way across the room. I would never make it.

  The photos were flashing through my mind like a sick slideshow. Picture after picture, my face was crossed with red marker pen, on others my face was slashed down to the white card. The words Die and Bitch featured on most of them. I had obviously made an enemy somewhere along the line.